It’s easy to let physical intimacy fall by the wayside when you’ve been with your partner for years. Stress, exhaustion, and familiarity can make your love life go from hot and heavy to flat and lackluster. But it doesn’t have to stay that way! There are many effective ways to get the flames burning again in a long-term relationship.

If you and your partner feel more like roommates than passionate lovers, don’t lose hope. With some effort and commitment to keeping intimacy alive, you can reignite the sexual and emotional spark that first brought you together.

Here are some tried and true tips to breathe new passion into a long-term relationship:

Make Intimacy a Priority

Don’t let busyness push your sex life to the bottom of the priority list. Schedule intimate time in your calendars and protect it. Plan romantic evenings and weekend getaways focused just on pleasure and reconnection. The anticipation itself can reignite desire.

One couple we know schedules a hotel night twice a month when they have childcare covered. They order room service, give each other massages, and indulge in hours of intimate time away from daily stresses.

Communicate Your Needs

Be honest about what you desire in the bedroom and what feels good physically. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader! Give feedback on the technique and share fantasies you’d like to explore.

Ask your partner about their unfulfilled desires too. Opening up this channel of communication can lead to more fulfilling experiences for both of you.

Try New Things Together

Monotony kills intimacy. Discuss new things you’d like to try in the bedroom – toys, positions, roleplaying, tantric techniques. Watch steamy videos together. Get adventurous and exploratory. Trying new things will bring back the excitement.

A couple we worked with made a sex bucket list together – things they’d always fantasized about but never tried. They pick one new item from the list to explore each month. It’s brought back the thrill!

Don’t Underestimate Non-Sexual Touch

Touch shouldn’t just lead to the bedroom. Hold hands, massage each other’s shoulders, cuddle, give sensual caresses just because. Non-sexual touch builds emotional intimacy and prepares your mind and body for sexual connection.

One client of ours said making a rule to kiss passionately for 1 minute as soon as they got home from work totally shifted the energy between them for the better. The little things add up.

Set the Stage

Don’t let your bedroom environment kill your vibe. Keep it clean and inviting with fresh sheets, soft lighting, and music. Light candles and incense. Reignite intimacy with these little atmosphere enhancers that go a long way.

We know one couple who started using their guest bedroom when they wanted to be intimate because it felt less stale and “functional” than their own. Try changing locations if your usual spot has bad energy. Rediscover the spark and connection by creating a more sensual and intimate atmosphere in a different setting.

Relieve Stress First

When you’re depleted, intimacy is usually the first thing to suffer. Make sure you’ve both had a chance to destress from the day’s responsibilities first. Take a relaxing bath, go for a walk, or pour yourself a glass of wine. Feeling relaxed will put you in the mood.

Focus on Emotional Connection

Don’t neglect the emotional intimacy that fuels sexual connection. Spend time really talking and listening to each other. Express love and appreciation. Emotional closeness paves the way for physical closeness.

Maí and I leave encouraging notes for each other in hidden spots. Finding them throughout the day or week puts a smile in our faces  makes us feel cared for.

If you need more guidance, our Light Your Spark program was created specifically to help couples like you reignite intimacy in a lasting way. Visit www.CallwithFrankie.com to learn more!

Don’t lose hope – with some creativity and commitment, you can take your relationship from flat to flames.